You're a Naughty One, Saucy Jack

Posted on Sunday, Apr 18, 2021
We are back and taking on the art world…and Jack the Ripper! Who is the Mona Lisa? Who was Jack the Ripper? And why can’t Kelli pronounce “baccarat”? Learn this and more in the latest episode of Quiche-Anon!


Kelli: All your Tinder girlfriends will just have to deal with it. And my mom,

Matt: That time again. Welcome back to Quiche-Anon your favorite podcast about conspiracy theories and cooking?

I’m Matt.

Kelli: And I’m Kelli.

Matt: And we’re getting arty, but first before we get into our topic, a little update you may, if you listen to the show, (Kelli’s mom) recall our last episode was about Scientology and we were a little concerned that, you know, we might get in a little bit of trouble or something. And after we published the episode, it wasn’t showing up on Spotify.

And I was like, I never really understand when Spotify pulls the episode. So I was like, okay, whatever. And a little bit later, I kind of checked it wasn’t there. And then much later in the day, Kelli was like, should I be concerned that that episode is not on [00:01:00] Spotify? And I’m like, you know what I mean? They might actually like, not let it in there.

Cause it said it had Scientology L Ron Hubbard. And, and then I was looking at it, wasn’t on Apple or the, where I was looking. And then Kelli’s like, well, in my podcast app, it just has a blank time title. And the reason it had a blank title. Is because I forgot to put the title in the episode,

Kelli: It was actually Val Val

Matt: yeah. I’ve

Kelli: on you. You can’t keep taking responsibility for her mess ups.

Matt: Yeah. So we fixed it. And now it’s now it’s available in all places where fine podcasts can be found. So, but tonight, today, whatever, I always feel stupid, like talking about the time when I do a podcast, but on this episode, we are going to get arty, we’re going to talk about art, not the art of podcasting, because podcasts about podcasting are really, really dull.

Kelli: And also we clearly don’t understand the [00:02:00] art of podcasting.

Matt: No, we really, we

Kelli: can’t talk about it.

Matt: So where, where do we get started thinking about the art world and the myriad of conspiracies within.

Kelli: So I actually just read a novel about an art heist and some art forgery. And then there’s this small startup, I don’t know if anyone’s heard of it, Netflix. So they have a four-part mini series right now about this art heist at the Isabella Stewart Gardner museum in Boston. Everyone’s watching it. So I’ve been thinking about art.

I walked my butt over to the art museum the last week felt really arty. And then I was like, I wonder if there are art conspiracies.

Matt: well, and everybody’s talking about that van Gough, you know, like immersive

Kelli: The immersive experience. I was too cheap to pay for that. I just did like a free city pass.

Matt: Well, it’s like, it’s sold out for like the next two months or something. Cause I was like, Oh, maybe that’ll be a fun thing to do this weekend. And it’s like, ha sucka.

Kelli: not.

Matt: Why don’t you go get a reservation to Tru while you’re at it?

Kelli: That’s still a thing?. [00:03:00]

Oh, my God. Remember when all your first dates were at Tru for like five years. That was a fun time.

Matt: My first dates Parrot’s, the dive bar on Wellington because that was my first date litmus test. Cause it had a kick ass jukebox and it was a shitty dive and, and it’s, it’s an awesome, awesome, awesome dive and everybody’s should, should go. Anyway, but that’s not, we’re not,

Kelli: We’re not talking about any of this

Matt: right?

None of that is even vaguely close to our actual topic.

Kelli: Leave this in for a slice of life. No, everyone’s talking about that Netflix thing too, and I haven’t watched it yet, but anyway, so there’s a lot of art worlds, conspiracies. I picked three to do some research on, but the most interesting content and the stuff I found the most about was about an a British artist.

He was born in 1860. His name is Walter Sickert. Sickert, Sickert

Matt: if you’re playing the Quiche-Anon drinking game, take a drink.

Kelli: three shots for you. Wait until the Italian names [00:04:00] later. So Walter is sick, sick carrot, sicker. He was a British painter and printmaker. He was an avant-garde artist in the Camden town group in Britain. He was an important figure in the transition from impressionism to modernism a time we all remember with fondness but there’s two…

There’s actually four books written about how he was Jack the Ripper. One was written by Patricia Cornwell. I’m sure you’ve heard of her.

Matt: yeah, we go way back. We follow each other on Twitter

Kelli: So she, I wrote “Portrait of a Killer: Jack the Ripper - Case Closed” a 2002 book. And then the more interesting book to me was by an author named Stephen Knight, but he wrote Jack the Ripper, the final solution in the seventies.

And I’m like, who let that title?

Matt: yeah, yeah.

Kelli: Woo hoo. Yes. The final solution is something we should bring back in the, into the zeitgeists. So like I said, Walter sicker, he was born in 1860, died in 1942. He did while he was alive having a [00:05:00] keen interest in Jack the Ripper, according to his friends, family, and biographer. He did a painting called Jack the Ripper’s bedroom naturally and bragged about staying in the same hotel room as Jack the Ripper, because the hotel lady said you’re staying in the same room as Jack the Ripper.

He was just here because they were contemporaries. It wasn’t like Jack, the Ripper was done working and you’re in his room now.

Matt: Well all otherwise, you know, how could it have been him? Has anyone seen him and Jack the Ripper in the same place at the same time? I mean, they were apparently in the same room, but maybe at the same time,

Kelli: So Steven Knight was influenced to write this book. That I’m not going to say the title again. Cause there was a man named Joseph Gorman who claimed to be sickcare Sickert his illegitimate son. Gorman later admitted to lying about most of this. But,

Matt: they usually it’s that now this always ends up

Kelli: but even after he admitted, he lied Knight was like, no, no I’ve collected so much evidence based on its story, which I love, I love a commitment and [00:06:00] a follow through. Okay. So this also involves our favorite group of people

Matt: the Illuminati.

Kelli: close the Freemasons. Our second favorite group of people, my apologies to the Illuminati, still our number one.

Matt: you can’t see because this is a podcast, but I did the like heart thing with my hands. We heart the Illuminati.

Kelli: Can we make t-shirts that say that even if it’s just for you and me.

Matt: we might need to do that. There’s our merch. We’ve been talking

Kelli: We heart the Illuminati and then Freemasons are number two. Knight and Gorman basically claimed that the victims of Jack the Ripper were all killed and an elaborate coverup because of a secret marriage between Prince Albert, Victor, who was then second in line to the throne and a working class gal named Annie Elizabeth crook.

Matt: mean, with a name like that, how trustworthy can you be?

Kelli: Extremely thank you. So Joseph Gorman claims that he’s the illegitimate son of Walter sicker and Annie crooks daughter with Prince Albert, Albert, Victor. [00:07:00] I don’t know, we’ll get to whether or not Walter Sickert could have children. Cause there was some sort of penis surgery that comes up in both of the books, but no one could verify whether it took place. I don’t know. this is kind of long. Just, just keep drinking your alcohol and stay with me. .

. So Prince Albert Victor was introduced to Walter as an art tutor to like introduce him to the art world.

And at Walter studio, Prince Albert, Victor met this lady crook and they started having an affair. Prince Albert, Victor had many affairs. He was kind of a little menace. It’s also widely rumored that he is Jack

Matt: How many people are Jack? the Ripper?

Kelli: Like, thousands. It’s there’s so many, I’m not kidding. Like there’s so many people that claim to be Jack the Ripper and no one can figure it out. But since this book is called the final solution, I’m going to go with this final. So now a little bit of this is true in the sense that Albert Victor did have a lot of affairs and Lord Salsbury, who is the prime minister at the time, [00:08:00] did sponsor a police raid on Albert Victor and on Walter studio and Albert Victor’s little apartment by the studio, but that’s where like the facts.

And I don’t know if it was because he was having an affair with this woman. Or why this police raid happened, if that makes sense. But we have record that had happened. And the chief of police at the time in London was a Freemason named Charles Warren, sir, Charles Warren. Pardon me? Basically they’re saying that Annie, Robert, Victor and Annie got secretly married and Annie was a commoner and a Catholic. So this couldn’t be known that Albert Victor was marrying. They set up a little love shack for their secret marriage and they had a daughter. I didn’t write down the daughter’s name.

I forget

Matt: is the daughter Jack, the Ripper

Kelli: probably they’re probably all every word I am Spartacus. That’s what’s happening here.

Matt: Michael Scott. I’ve seen that movie like three times. I still don’t know who Spartacus was.

Kelli: I love Michael Scott. Albert, Victor had a secret child [00:09:00] with a Catholic commoner and they couldn’t let this be known because she would have a thing to the throne of what is that called? A link to the claim, a claim to the throne. Thank you. Oh, the baby was named Alice. I did write it down.


Matt: pronounced that one, right?

Kelli: yeah, I know that one Elicia must be Italian. They have baby Alice, the Freemason police chiefs are Charles Warren finds out that they have a baby here and he was like, Oh, hell no. And he was like, we have to get that Catholic throne claimant out of here. Okay. So he raids the house. Albert Victor is released to the custody of his family.

AKA he’s like trapped in the castle. Okay. Like not a bad life. He gets out again. I’m sure he does a lot weird stuff. Mary crook, Annie crook, Annie Mary crook. She is given guardianship of someone while in court custody declared insane and put away in an asylum and drugged forever as they did in this time period.

And still now the baby survived the raid and Annie, Mary or [00:10:00] Mariani crooks friends were taking care of the baby. They decided there were five of them. They decided to blackmail the British Royal family because they were like, we have Prince Albert Victor’s Catholic baby here. And then the Freemasons, the Freemasons go nuts.

They’re like, Oh hell no, we cannot have the secret Catholic baby here. You can’t blackmail the Royal family. Okay. They have enough going on with the inbreeding and the colonizing. They just have too much to worry about. So they Oh, which by the way, rip Prince Phillip just a moment of silence.

So the friends of the crook lady who had a secret love child with Albert Victor, I have this baby and they try to blackmail the British Royal family who was actually still like the government at the time. And Lord Salisbury’s the prime minister and the police chief as the Freemason.

And they decided to create Jack the Ripper, a mysterious serial killer. And he starts killing all these friends of Annie, [00:11:00] Mary Cruck that are in charge of the baby. Also get one by accident. Cause they had a case of mistaken identity. That’s why there’s like a sixth victim.

Matt: That was a woopsie. Do.

Kelli: Oops. All these working class girls look the same. So they start killing all these people. And that’s the basis of this conspiracy is that Jack the Ripper is just. The prime minister and police, chief killing all these women to cover up this blackmail plot with this claimant, to the throne to stop the blackmail.

And they just kill all these women and they that’s how, that’s, why they forage and falsify all these like weird, outrageous letters that Jack the Ripper sends. And that was the real story of how Jack the Ripper came to be and never got caught. Cause it was the prime minister and the chief of police

Matt: And, you know, even in those days, cops get away with anything,

Kelli: yes,

they were at least pretending it was a serial killer. Then

Matt: right. That’s true.

Kelli: they were like, Oh, it’s not us, [00:12:00] someone different.

Matt: All PM AB all prime ministers are bastards

Kelli: Lord Salsbury seemed like not a real treat, but he also had a lot to deal with because the Royals at this time, the Royal children were just wild, wild out. They couldn’t contain themselves. There was a baccarat scandal that I can talk to you about separately from the pod. If you’re interested. It’s my favorite Royal scandal of all time, because it involves someone being kidnapped at a country to state for two weeks.

Matt: by the way, you said “baccarat” in the most Midwestern way possible. You’re like, and there’s

Kelli: I don’t know how to pronounce it!


Matt: You’re like, there’s this Bacharach scandal.

Kelli: back-a-rat.

Matt: Yes.

Kelli: Just going to eat some hot plate at my Bacharach tournament. Okay.

Matt: Hot

Kelli: I’m from

It’s their hot plate.

Matt: . Baccarat scandal.

Kelli: Bugger off

Matt: were baccarat baccarat, robo calls her aunt, right. Is that, does that close the book on, on, what?

Jack or sot Oh what it’s from [00:13:00] there. That’s what it’s from. I was trying to remember. I’m like what was thinking it’s in spinal tap when they talked about having like a rock opera about Jack, the Ripper called saucy Jack.

You’re an up to one saucy Jack. You’re a hot D one sausage

Kelli: Can that please be the name of this episode,

Matt: we might have to.

Kelli: your naughty one sauce, saucy Jack. That was the, that closes the chapter on the final solution. And then you,

Matt: but then there’s more so how final really? Is it?

Kelli: there’s other there’s other Patricia Cornwell’s book was called like. It was called Jack the Ripper case closed. Like they’re all competing to figure out who has the final one, but I do want to honorable mention in 1990, Jean Overton fuller wrote Sickert and the ripper crimes claiming that he was also Jack the ripper you’ll know her as the author of Metaline the children’s books.

Oh, no,

And I was like, well, that’s weird that she also did this one.

Matt: she contains multitudes.

[00:14:00] Kelli: Everyone has depth. So Patricia Cornwell wrote portrait of a killer case closed Jack, the ripper, like five different articles mentioned that this stirred up great controversy in the art world.

And I was like, Ooh, controversy.

Matt: slow, slow news day in the art world.

Kelli: I think that’s every day in the art world, it’s just that making up their own news. But Cornwall takes a lot of liberties here and pretend she’s like a psychiatrist because she’s like he meets the psychiatric profile of a serial killer. He does misogynistic paintings and sketches, which is basically, he did a lot of sketches and paintings of women in positions that looked like they had just been murdered by Jack the ripper.

So I get the connection. I’m not going to lie. It is weird. And this is where the penis surgery comes in. Cause she said that he had a lot of anger towards women because he couldn’t have sex normally because of a botched operation to remove a fistula from his penis.

Matt: Another woopsie do.

Kelli: but then there was an argument because another man claims [00:15:00] a historian and art historian claimed that the fistula wasn’t on his penis, it was on his anus.

So it wouldn’t have affected his, his sexual performance.

Matt: Hey, you know, we are not here to kink shame, you know,

Kelli: Fistula shame

the surgery. There’s no proof of it, but these two went back and forth about it. I don’t know, it was just really weird because they were doing this like in the newspaper. Cause this is what used to happen in the newspapers.

Matt: because there wasn’t Twitter.

Kelli: No. So they had to debit Twitter war about where the fistula was.

Matt: right.

Kelli: But then there’s also the killing started when Walter Sickert the artist, his best friend, James Abbott, McNeill, Whistler married a woman that Walter didn’t like.

So Patricia Cornwell claims that this marriage triggered this latent misogynistic hate in him, along with the unable being to bone normally. Oh, that was the other part of the fight is no one was like, what is, what is boning normally look like? What do you mean? He couldn’t bone normally. And Patricia was like, he couldn’t do it anymore because of the fistula, [00:16:00] duh.

And I was like, you guys are old people in the newspaper and this must stop. She also said his artistic abilities made him a great forger and that’s why the letters were so different and in different handwritings and had different sketches in them because he could do that, which makes sense logically, but then almost all of the ripper letters have been proven as hoaxes

Matt: So he was good at forging hoaxes,

Kelli: and who isn’t.

Matt: so maybe not good at it.

Kelli: The only there’s so there’s two other pieces of proof who’s to say, have I said it enough, this episode

Matt: that’s the first time

Kelli: . So there was a paper analysis done, and one of the letters were written on a paper that matches a ream of paper purchased by Walter, his mother at a paper shop, which sent me down a rabbit hole about how you used to have to get paper in the late 19th century, because you had to go to like a silk factory, get some paper spun

Matt: You couldn’t couldn’t call up. Dwight and Andy and

Kelli: Stanley would have helped you out right away. And then there was a. [00:17:00] Patricia Cornwell in her book, claims that there is DNA evidence matching Walter to Jack. The ripper is evidence or DNA. But because of that, when Jack the ripper was killing the only DNA

Matt: didn’t have DNA then.

Kelli: well, the samples they took.

Yeah. The samples they’ve been able to run only have mitochondrial DNA and mitochondrial DNA. Isn’t specific to you as a person it’s specific to a group of people. So like literally everyone in Britain, almost everyone in Britain at this time would have had the same mitochondrial DNA.

Matt: so again, it’s an, it’s an, I am Spartacus thing. It’s everybody in Britain

Kelli: They’re all Jack. The ripper,

Matt: all Jack the ripper.

Kelli: Everyone got to kill one prostitute, as a treat … that’s so bad. It’s “sex worker”.

Matt: Okay. The problem with that wasn’t that about the killing? It was “that I said, ‘prostitute’”.

Kelli: It’s my language

He also Patricia Cornwell’s other thing was that she said he sketched [00:18:00] women lying dead. Like many of the victims were found, but none of the information in his sketches or paintings was private. It was all information that had been made public.

Matt: So you could just been like, I mean, no, one’s arguing that he’s not like weird and creepy, but like there was,

Kelli: like, like he had, he was married a few times and his wives all died. So like, I mean, that’s suspicious. It was a different time. People died a lot and younger, I’m not judging. And I honestly just scanned his Wikipedia.

Matt: So it sounds like you’re not sold.

Kelli: I still don’t think we know who anyone is or if anyone is Jack the ripper or if they’re all Jack the ripper, but if it’s anyone in this story, I think it was Prince Albert, Victor.

Matt: I don’t know. That seems the most plausible.

Kelli: I should’ve looked into it once again. I forgot to research this podcast until like a day and a half ago.

Matt: well, maybe we’ll do an episode about Royal conspiracies. Well, yeah, yeah. Yes. By

[00:19:00] Kelli: You can’t even do it as Midwestern

Matt: we’re going to do a whole episode about Bacharach,

Kelli: Prince Albert, Victor. He was the grandson of queen Victoria. I’ll just do a little, but he had, yeah, he had some weird conspiracies about him. He had some weird Oh, he, the he’s the one that got arrested. I knew, I knew him. I couldn’t remember. He got arrested at a male brothel

Matt: like male versus female versus like a brothel through the mail.

Kelli: a mail order brothel.

Matt: I was thinking like, you know, brothel prime.

Kelli: It’s the original Amazon for, I knew it was a male brothel.


This is the scandal. I remember we’ll just touch on this briefly, cause it’s highly amusing because it was 1889. So this was a big scandal low, but the police uncovered this like huge male brothel with male pimps and male sex workers on Cleveland street in London. And basically instead of being arrested, all the male sex workers just gave up all the names of all the people that were their clients right away. And it was like a ton of people, but Prince Albert, Victor was [00:20:00] one or maybe he wasn’t and someone said he was, I don’t know, but the Royal family and to really come in and be like, he needs to be removed from this scandal right now. We have to take his name out and like, he was just a messy, messy, Royal, which is my favorite kind.

And the only kind I truly love.

Matt: the best kind of Royal

Kelli: Yeah. But that’s it. That’s that on Jack? The ripper? I don’t know. Who do you think is Jack the ripper? It can be anyone you want it doesn’t have to be someone I

Matt: that you actually talked about

Kelli: Yeah. Just bring up anything.

Matt: I, you know what it actually made me think of, not know who I think it is, but all this talking about Jack, the ripper has just reminded me of how sad I am, that the rumored.

Kelli: Look as a person.

Matt: No, listen. Well, yes, I’m sad and pathetic. Now what I meant like I am, but it reminded me of a sad fact, which is there was supposed to be a Buffy spinoff about young Giles and it was going to be called ripper.

Cause that was like when he was like a bad-ass dude, like that was this whole thing and it [00:21:00] would have been amazing.

Yeah. Anyway, so I think I just, my statement is that Giles was ripper and we’ll just leave it at that.

Kelli: And Giles is a Buffy character.

Matt: Yes.

Kelli: This is when I admit to Matt publicly that I’ve never watched Buffy. I guess it’s on my, I always want to get into it. I don’t know why I wasn’t.

Matt: It’s actually hard to watch now when you know the things about him and like, it’s kind of, you, you re you see his stuff through a little bit of a different light, especially Buffy but death of the artist stuff, right. You know, like separate art from artists. It’s like, I still love the movie Chinatown, you know, even though Roman Polanski is well, Roman Polanski,

Kelli: Oh, the Roman Polanski episode coming soon. There’s no conspiracies. It’s just us hating Roman Polanski

Matt: yeah. For an hour. .

Kelli: So everyone knows DaVinci’s Mona Lisa painting, right? We’ve all seen it. We’re all familiar.

Matt: and it’s smaller than you [00:22:00] think it is.

Kelli: It’s like it’s an eight by 10. And it’s like, yeah,

Matt: could print it, you could print it at home. Yeah.

Kelli: I have a copy of the original copy hanging in my apartment. Is she smiling? Is she frowning? Who is she? That’s the biggest thing. There’s many conspiracies about who the Mona Lisa is. Before we go and to who the Mona Lisa was, we can talk about the time she was briefly stolen from the Louvre and returned to her rightful Homeland, Italy.

The Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in like 19 hundreds, something. I don’t remember. They didn’t write it down. I really thought I wrote it

early 19 hundreds because Picasa was implicated.

Matt: okay. Fair.

Kelli: So

Matt: right around that time.

Kelli: It was either like 1911 or 1913. I swear. I wrote this down anyway, the model he says hangs in the loop, it was stolen. A man named Joseph, Gary Puerette - drink - told the parish journal that he had become an expert at stealing small artifacts and small art from the Louvre with the poet.

You’re going to want to take a big chug here [00:23:00] because the poet’s name is pollen air

Matt: Paula and AR yeah, again, again, it gets, it gets your mid-west on there with that name, Apollo and AR

Kelli: roasted by all of my friends that listen to this for this Midwest accent, apella, Nair, you know what? I’m gonna have my friend Nicole come on and do French pronunciations from now on. So take that.

Matt: it could be the alternate audio track. Although I don’t know if an alternate audio track of a podcast is just a different podcast.

Kelli: Quiche-Anon the French series. Quiche-Anon extra butter. Err is spelled a P O L L O I N a I R E a pollen air. So he was a poet and he was good friends with Picasso and they were in a group in Paris called the wild men of Paris lay wild men of Paris. And they were lay wild because they were doing layout heists all over Paris and stealing stuff.

I’m kind of concerned at this moment that someone listened only to our [00:24:00] Scientology episode and then they download this and they’re like, huh?

Matt: Yes. If your, if your entry point was the L Ron Hubbard Shelly Miscavige episode, sorry to say, it’s like, it’s like my friends who are in tech and they’ll like, have some tweet that’s like really insightful. It’s just like, you know, blow up about something tech-related or whatever.

And they’ll get thousands of followers from it. And they’re like, sorry. Cause the rest of this is all just shit posting or me talking about my cat

Kelli: Thank you. It’s like people who follow me for like psych content. I’m like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. You’re not

Matt: that happens. That happens mostly by accident.

Kelli: That happens when I get irritated by something like once a month. So the late wild men of Perry where they

Matt: hosting a bunch of art.

Kelli: Yeah. They loved it and they weren’t just like rich artists and they were like, let’s do these fun crimes for fun.

Matt: B wild men of Paris do crimes.

Kelli: Yeah. It seems simple. What else would you do in 1911 or 1913 based on thing that Kelli didn’t write down. [00:25:00] anyway, the CIF ended up being caught. His name was Vincenzo Perugia. He

Matt: That one sounded like that might’ve been right.

Kelli: I, my Italian’s actually usually pretty. Okay. Usually, but there was one name I was writing down and I was laughing as I wrote it down.

Cause I was like, this is going to get so butchered, no disrespect to Italy.

Matt: I like how you were in the moment of going. I know I’m not going to be able to pronounce this. I’m even acknowledging it, but am I going to look it up? No, I’m just going to know what’s going to happen and I’m just going to lean into it.

Kelli: let’s go back to the earlier thing where I forgot to research this to like 24 hours ago. Okay. I don’t have time to be Googling how to pronounce this name. All right. We’re just pretending to be working and really researching this podcast.

So, Vincenzo Perugia was hired by the Louvre to create a glass case to keep the Mona Lisa safe from thieves, which honestly,

Matt: Oh, no glass

Kelli: how will they break it? I don’t want to victim blame, but like a little bit let’s victim blame. Why don’t you look into maybe like, is the person you’re commissioning to build the glass case [00:26:00] to keep the Mona Lisa safe? Is he a crazy Italian national who thinks you’ve stolen his art?

Matt: who watches the Watchman.

Kelli: What is that?

Matt: well, it’s, it’s, it’s like a comic thing, but it was just trying to be, yeah,

Kelli: No, I nevermind.

Matt: meant like, it was supposed to be like, pretending to be like, really? Yeah. Whatever that was stupid. I’m going to cut that. We’ll just leave it

Kelli: No, it was good.

Matt: No,

Kelli: You’re the funny one.

Matt: I don’t do any of the research. I gotta do something.

Kelli: thank God. Someone needs to be funny here. And I can’t. Okay. So anyway, even though we gave the Mona Lisa back to Italy for like a while. Ooh.

Matt: He was like, here, you can just hold onto this for awhile.

Was it a little bit about like Ray Liotta go into Lorraine Bracco and Goodfellas, like here, she’s like, you know, There there’s some countries. I know that if someone came to them and asked them to hold a stolen painting for them, they would have broken it off right then. But I actually, I got a little turned on.

Kelli: everything that’s ever happened in history, it’s [00:27:00] just Goodfellas, but different everything, everything in history as you know, ends with cocaine being flushed down the toilet. And that’s, it just makes sense. This brings up a sidebar.

Matt, will you go to Halloween with me is as Ray Liotta and Lorraine Bracco from

Matt: be

Kelli: Goodfellas.

Matt: Yes. But which, which

Kelli: Your Lorraine. Bracco it seems obvious

Matt: Right. But I was saying which era,

Kelli: it can be your choice. I like them all.

Matt: But, you don’t want to mismatch.

I’m saying you don’t want to have sort of like that eighties, you know, kind of like,

Kelli: the eighties was a good one though.

Matt: Oh, they were good. You just don’t want to mismatch them is what I’m saying.

And then you have like, with the, you look like a gangster. Well, that was, he was a kid. What his mom said that to him, but you know what I’m thinking with the, and with that collar that Joe Pesci that, that covers up his entire tie. Yeah.

Kelli: I love Joe Peshy. I would die for him. I just want to make that known. He’s done so much for cinema. Okay. So the Mona Lisa, how it came to the Louvre and Perry is kind of interesting. Cause I didn’t [00:28:00] know this cause I’m not an art nerd, so I didn’t know who would know a guy commissioned the Mona Lisa allegedly from DaVinci and then DaVinci was in France painting and the King of France at the time saw the Mona Lisa and was like, I will pay you more for that.

Matt: And he was like, cha-ching,

Kelli: Yeah. And so it just like got left in France, but it was like allegedly, maybe a picture of some noble men and in Italy’s wife, which brings us to who is the Mona Lisa. And it’s maybe this rich guy’s wife.

Matt: is it Jack? The ripper was Mona Lisa, the Jack the ripper.

Kelli: Lisa is Jack the ripper spoiler alert for the ending of this podcast. But yeah, it’s, it was her all along or him.

Matt: also William Shakespeare,

Kelli: Who was that Italian noble woman. So it was all his full circle here. If you’ve listened to the whole Quiche-Anon catalog who was that noble guy? I wrote his name.

Matt: Joe Noble.

Kelli: It was in your Jo noble villi. Hold on. I really know I wrote this down. Okay. The wealthy merchant [00:29:00] was his name was Francis Del Macondo. That’s not pronounced,

Matt: my Chicando don’t want none,

Kelli: unless

Matt: got art heists on. I feel like we’re making up for the last episode, which was so dark and we couldn’t be funny and we had done it. We got none of it out in the last time. So this is a, a super-sized ridiculousness

Kelli: I kinda thought we could last time. I thought we can be like, ha Shelly,

Matt: he got, then he got in it and you’re like, Oh,

Kelli: Ooh, Ooh.

Matt: I mean, if you haven’t listened to that episode, go back and listen to it. It’s a really good

Kelli: no. It’s so informative. So informative.

Matt: weird and creepy. Just not

Kelli: Tom cruise has been pacing outside my building in a trench coat since we released it, but it’s so good.

Matt: also, by the way, this is what happens when you don’t leave reviews for our podcast. We apparently review our own podcast. So, you know, We did get another review, by the way, I’ll talk

Kelli: What does it say? Okay. So, okay. So wait, let me, I’ll just, I’ll finish up quickly.

Matt: You didn’t do like, well now, now [00:30:00] fuck this. I gotta hear the review,

Kelli: the DaVinci, Mona, Lisa, a few other people, they think it could be, they think it’s a self portrait of DaVinci, some

Matt: he was a nobleman wife, also.

Kelli: Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay. And kind of, we’ll get, we’ll get to

Matt: Oh, you’re like,

Kelli: next person.

Matt: you kid, but

Kelli: Well, I don’t know who was the wife, but you know, we’ll, we’ll get to it. So they think it could be a self portrait of DaVinci.

He did some self portraits when he was older. An art analyst has done like a side by side and the angles and the proportions are very similar. So I didn’t not believe it when I saw it. DaVinci.

Matt: it mitochondrial analysis

Kelli: a mitochondrial

Matt: it could have been any Italian.

Kelli: Italian in that era, any Italian, even the British nationals that were Shakespeare at the time, it could have been any of them.

Matt: Could’ve been any of those?

Kelli: They DaVinci had a lover GM Giacomo

He went by July. So July was his lover. So I [00:31:00] had very delicate features and I saw by side of a portrait, DaVinci did us a lie.

Matt: It was called the Mona Lisa.

Kelli: it was the Mona Lisa next to the Mona Lisa, and one was titled to lie. And I was like, yeah, it’s the same. Yeah,

Matt: Yeah. Like

Kelli: me the difference. Show me the difference between the two.

So I was a beautiful man. He had very delicate features. He had long wavy red hair. It was all good stuff. The portrait of saliva, isn’t it all like the Mona Lisa it’s like much more zoomed out and it’s like a full body thing, but I could definitely see saliva being the Mona Lisa. So DaVinci doing a portrait of his lover as this woman in the Mona Lisa.

So that’s kind of what I mostly believe. Freud that old bag Freud had to throw his toe into the ring. And he says that DaVinci was in love with his mom because he got taken from his mom as a young age. So the Mona Lisa is a portrait of his mom and I just can’t get into Freud and all of his bullshit.

So I just am not believing [00:32:00] that one I’m skimming over it. But most likely it’s probably this wealthy merchant’s wife that he then changed into the King of France midway through because he got offered more cash.

Matt: As one does

Kelli: But there was another thing. So there’s some, maybe some hidden imagery and the Mona Lisa,

Matt: is it like the hidden imagery in the little mermaid VHS cover

Kelli: King Triton and Eric’s penises are in the Mona Lisa.

Matt: that might have to be the episode title King Triton and Prince Eric’s penises are Lisa.

Kelli: wMermaidn a little. Hmm.

Matt: Oh, I don’t know.

Kelli: My favorite thing I read though for our research was someone was like, DaVinci was known to love riddles. And I was like, yeah, that was kind of all they had back then for any entertainment,

Matt: It was riddles and limericks.

Kelli: It was riddles limericks and like public sweat, like floggings. Like, I don’t know, there wasn’t a lot to choose from.

So someone says that this art, he was an [00:33:00] artist, he is an artist, like a current artist. I didn’t write his name down because he’s stupid. But he said that if you, if you turn the portrait of the Mona Lisa upside down and close one eye and look at the left, you see the head of a lion out of a Buffalo in the head of an ape.

And I was like, I don’t think Leonardo DaVinci would have known about two of those animals

Matt: This was like the precursor to backmasking and like, you know, the Jethro Jethro, Tull. That’s not what

Kelli: through, I

Matt: Judas priest, Judas priest to help him. Yes. I do know the difference between Jethro tele, Judas priest. Those are not closely, you know, they don’t sit next to each other in the same bin at coconuts,

Kelli: Similar art. Oh, coconuts. Remember that store? Oh, well, anyway some other weirdo, Pablo Noresco has a numerology theory. He says, you can see the names he says in the model. Lisa’s eyes. If you squint and blur your vision, you can see that there’s the letters, [00:34:00] LV. And,

Matt: Louis Vuitton.

Kelli: That’s where this started is a Louis Vuitton stores where the Mona Lisa was commissioned.

He did numerology. So like each letter is a number. And if you add up Mona Lisa and Catarina, his mom’s name, you both get, you get the number two. And the portion of the Mona Lisa do columns in the background. Two eyes, two nuts.

I’m like, no shit. He says that’s an ode to his mom and that’s how he proves it’s his mom.

Matt: Cause only his mother has.

Kelli: two eyes and two nostrils. She had all four. Huh?

Matt: The whole package.

Kelli: But yeah, that’s the Mona Lisa.

Matt: , I was buying groceries last week and I was just trying to think of different stuff to make for the kids. And that would be easy. And I was like, I don’t know, just get some, Oh, I know, I know, I know it started, the entire thing was like, I discovered that I’ve got like 15 cans of tuna in my pantry.

Cause I keep buying it and forgetting that I have it and it’s not like it goes bad. I mean, it’s a, can I just forget, you know? And so, so I was [00:35:00] like, I dunno, what do you do with tuna? I mean, besides make tuna sandwiches and my kids don’t really like tuna sandwiches. And so I was like, I want some too to help her.

I get some hamburger helper. Why not? And my favorite part about this was so yeah, last week we had, you know, whenever it was we’re over here over the weekend and yeah, we had to like hamburger helper for dinner and I’m like, yes. Remember, remember when you were with me a week ago when we went to Joe’s and you had oysters and filet and key lime pie and this week hamburger helper and yeah, well, well that was thing.

So they were kind of like, Oh, okay. My daughter she’s like, I give it an eight and Joey and I were like, for real, he’s like, Joe, he’s like, I think it’s like a six.

Kelli: What did she rate the food at? Joe’s if she’s

Matt: She loved it. She loved it. Like, although both Joey and Sophia have told me that a martini tastes like hand sanitizer. So yeah, it tastes like hand

Kelli: They order them.

Matt: No, they tried mine and they were like, it tastes like hand sanitizer. But then

Kelli: Kids stay away from [00:36:00] drugs and alcohol

Matt: that’s right. And two and a helper. But, but then it was like, yeah, I guess it was like, maybe on Sunday I made a to, to helper, you know, it was just a super simple thing. I mixed some like vegetables into it too, you know? So it was a little something they were both like, this is really good.

And I’m like, man, I would have hated this as a kid. So I don’t know what’s wrong with you guys. But also this dinner costs like $3 and 75 cents, you know? The whole point of this is that children can’t tell the difference between Joe Stone crab and hamburger helper.


Kelli: Which is why children aren’t terrible. In my food news, I made an asparagus and goat cheese tart, and it was delicious. And I’ve decided I only want to eat tarts from nylon.

Matt: You need some tart helper.

Kelli: It’s just frozen buff, pastry, sorry, help helper.

Matt: You just said it’s just frozen, but pastry.

Kelli: I didn’t say puff. I said, but

Matt: Okay. Just make it sure. [00:37:00] So I will say,

Kelli: yeah. What is my food news? I don’t have, I used to have all the food

Matt: well, I did, I did invite you to come to Joe’s with us, , cause I texted Kelli and I said, you know what we were doing?

But, but Kelli’s like, look at the dress I bought to go with.

You’re kidding. And I showed it to Sophia, the pictures of the future. She bought a dress to go. I didn’t even know she was coming. I’m like, no Sophia, no.

Kelli: Next time you go out to eat. Just let me know. Cause I’m just going to show up in an evening gown for Sophia, especially if it’s somewhere like an Applebee’s.

Matt: cause we go to Apple piece a lot. It’s the B dubs.

Kelli: wedding. Wait. Okay. I did go to the wedding. We had some great food because I haven’t been out in public. We went to this, my friend, Allie got married. She looked amazing. She was gorgeous. She was such a good COVID bride. The wedding has been pushed back three times. They paired down the guest list.

So we had like a 40 person, like all vaccinated wedding. It was so beautiful and it was so fun to be back in public again. But what I really thought, I didn’t realize I missed so much in life was a passed app.

[00:38:00] Matt: How did you deal with it? Cause I feel like there’s certain things that I’m just not ready for. That I know I will have anxiety about an, like an irrational anxiety.

Kelli: no, well, if I didn’t know everyone there or know who like that, she knew people. I think I would have had more, like I had anxiety going in until I got there. And I was like, this is very

Matt: but I mean, I think what I’m worried about is it’s, it’s, again, nothing it’s completely just because it’s so different. Like just to be like, how do you adjust to, even though everything is perfectly

Kelli: but I’m literally right there with you. Like, I was anxious, like Allie’s going to listen to this, but ally, like, I love you. Cause she knows she does listen, but I’m like even the night before the wedding, I was like, this is so stressful for me because I’m going to have to be around these people in this room and I was really nervous, but then you get there and I, you know, we’re helping Allie get ready.

We doing all the normal wedding stuff and it kind of, we phased into it. Like I drove out there with our friend Melanie and her husband, Eric. And like I phased into people cause like in the room where Allie was getting ready, there was like only eight [00:39:00] people. So it was like, okay, we got drunk of margaritas.

And then we went to this wedding and we were like, we’re okay.

Matt: Well, I, I, again, I think it’s like, cause I’ve seen it in myself as it’s just because of having all this muscle memory of avoiding, even without thinking about it. Not, it’s not a conscious thing, but it’s just like the way that if I don’t want people around me and it’s not because I’m being a germaphobe about it or that I’m freaked out, I’m vaccinated, it’s it is what it is.

But it’s just like, I haven’t been around people, you know? Like,

Kelli: I get, it was like overwhelming and I had to keep telling, I first I just kept getting drunker. Cause that

Matt: that, there you go. I mean,

Kelli: but I, I kept having to mentally like logically tell myself, like, you’re safe.

Matt: Well, and even,

Kelli: This is

Matt: and the thing with the past app is it’s not even, I just was curious about it. Cause I feel like it’s again, you’d be like, Oh yeah, this is totally fine. But just, it’s a foreign thing that you haven’t had where you’re like, this is just weird. Like it’s, it’s it’s not, it’s not weird.

It’s [00:40:00] jarring.

Kelli: But you just said muscle memory. Right. And that’s kind of what it was on the other

Matt: And then, and then you also remembered what it was like to just have someone bring you food, which is

Kelli: you have the muscle memory of just like being social and But they had, I don’t usually eat pork, but I, it was like, whatever, I just don’t cook pork. But they had amazing bacon wrap date. So I had those and then they had these like great tomato soup shooters.

So I liked that. Cause it was like in a little mini beer Stein that you drank your soup from. I really liked it. I’m trying to think they had other, they had like great stuff, mushrooms, which I’m not a mushroom fan, but these were good. And then I had eggplant as my main dish. They did a beautiful job.

And then they had these amazing cupcakes for instead of a wedding cake so that you could avoid some of the COVID stuff. Right. You guys take individual cupcakes. They were in a box pre-packaged. So I took like six back to my room. I did like one of each flavor.

Matt: Well, yeah, cause how else do you know,

Kelli: Yeah. And we were at the after party. And at some point I was like, I’m just going to go back to my room and be alone with my cupcakes.

So I was in a hotel, which was weird to begin with after COVID. Cause I’ve literally just like only slept in [00:41:00] my bed for over a year. I would just put a Dateline out in the hotel, ruminate these cupcakes. And it was like the best night of my life in a year. So I highly recommend just go make yourself some cupcakes, make yourself a cookies and cream cupcake, a Boston cream pie cupcake.

Matt: red velvet,

Kelli: They did have a red velvet, which was my, Oh, that’s my favorite kind of cake, but they didn’t have that.

Matt: without nuts though, right?

Kelli: I like the nuts, but I’m a lady.

Matt: I’m a lady. I like nuts

Kelli: nuts. No, it was so good, but it was just really nice to be back in public. It was nice to have good food. I’m sure you experienced that as Joe’s. It was just nice to have like a nice meal,

Matt: , it was a little weird, you know? Cause it was like, okay, you know, we’re out here. The, I mean the servers were great and it was actually really nice. She comped our dessert because she liked the kid. You know? She’s like your kids are, cause it was

Kelli: cause they were

Matt: they were very polite and they were engaged and it’s really funny because they were the thing they were talking about.

They’re like, wait, is that the place where they bring you that the towels and the like, and then, [00:42:00] then, but they didn’t like, and then I was like, yeah, I’m like, guys, they might not do that now because, or whatever. But then they saw them being into other people and I was like, well, and then, and then when they came around after reform, they were very, very excited.

But yeah, cause I was like, okay, for just certain like, well. I’m like, we want a half a slice of key lime and a half a slice of the banana cream and you know, my son wanted a Sunday and then she’s like, okay, so a slice of the key lime. And it’s like, no, no, no, it’s a half a. So she goes, no, no. She’s like, you’re getting a full slice.

This is all on me. And I was like, well, if you insist, we will eat all of that pie. And we did. And we did.

Kelli: As you should.

Matt: So, I just want to read this, this our new review

Kelli: I

Matt: in on Friday. Yeah. It’s from S S M Hinkey.

Kelli: Who

Matt: means anything to you. Oh, it’s SM hin. K Y O SMH in K Y. Do you know anybody in Kentucky with initials SMH in Kentucky?

Kelli: I know I have one friend from Kentucky, so I’ll

[00:43:00] Matt: Okay. So the title, it’s a five-star review. So thank you.

Kelli: Thank you. SMH,

Matt: as I choosing to read it, we have reviews from Schmincke and something wicked, but Shrinky says fun, super fun podcast, both with exclamation points though. And we are sitting at eight ratings, 4.5 out of five. So we still have that one.

They’re all five stars. And what looks like one, one star review

Kelli: Well, what was my review goal?

Matt: more than this

Kelli: But what was it? It was like 20 and

Matt: Well, you wanted ratings. We weren’t asking people to re like that’s, that’s a long way to go to write a review. We appreciate it. When you, when you do it now, you know that we’ll read it. So,

Kelli: us. We’ll read it aloud and we’ll give you credit and maybe I’ll send you a treat.

Matt: The other thing, I, I, we didn’t talk about it because it was, it’s an, I apologize that it was so long that she had to wait for that last episode. But I, I feel like I’ve got, I feel always apologize. I feel like I’ve [00:44:00] got some of the workflow figured out that will be faster, but anyway, the thing is what happened in between when we recorded that episode.

And this episode is Kelli was on my online game show

Kelli: Which was so fun. I really enjoyed myself.

Matt: so, so it’s a, a show about tech and Kelli almost basically one. She was,

Kelli: One like the first happen. I cannot draw.

Matt: You are ranked 38 out of 50 for season two and 57 out of 84 overall, which is not bad,

Kelli: Well, I will come back anytime you guys need a non-tech person on, because I did have fun.

Matt: It was super fun. So if you go to DevOps party

And look, the episode is called eventual inconsistency. So if you find that one, I’ll put maybe a link in the show notes, but you can watch the video. You can watch Kelli and everybody else, and it was super fun. Yeah, so I think that we already told you, you know, go to a Quiche-Anon dot com slash iTunes to leave us one of those reviews in the Apple podcast store.

And [00:45:00] yes, no, you can’t review us on Spotify, but if you listen to us on Spotify, any want to leave us a review, maybe you could tweet a review at Quiche-Anon.

Kelli: Or sending them Instagram, follow us on Instagram at Quiche-Anon. I love interacting and I’ve, I’ve put out like questions for future episodes and you guys have been great at giving feedback. So.

Matt: It’s a good follow. It’s a good InstaFollow. Our Twitter is, you know, I mean follow us, you know, but I always forget that it’s there. I am not as good as my part of the social media management is Kelli is

Kelli: I haven’t been great. No, I haven’t been great either. So it’s okay. But I feel like when we put our episodes, I get down there. So maybe I’ll do

Matt: Yeah. Like, so maybe if you publish some episodes, Matt, that I could do

Kelli: No mat.

Matt: more Insta

Kelli: was not even like, that wasn’t even a job like that.

Matt: But yeah, follow us on all the things. And I was trying to think if there was any other podcasts news that’s it. So, you know, when, till next time this has been Quiche-Anon and the truth.

Kelli: And tacos.

[00:46:00] Matt: Are out there.


Kelli Prichard

Kelli Prichard

Kelli is a fake blonde who lives in Chicago. She loves staring out her windows on summer nights watching drunk people stumble and yell. Her hobbies include 90 Day Fiancé, reading about true crime, and talking trash like it’s her job.

Matt Stratton

Matt Stratton

Matt Stratton lives in the Chicagoland area and has three awesome kids, whom he loves just a little bit more than he loves Doctor Who. He is currently on a mission to discover the best phở in the world.