Matt: [00:00:00] I don’t know if you watched the X-Files or not, but I’m going to probably talk about it a lot so I never have, but I think it’s going to be my next thing.
Kelli: [00:00:06] I start because after researching this, I need to watch it.
Kelli: [00:00:15] Welcome back to Quiche-Anon the podcast, where we talk about crazy conspiracy theories and also crazy cooking and mostly about how much we like to eat. I’m Matt.
Kelli: [00:00:28] I’m Kelli.
Matt: [00:00:29] So this is Jesus. I don’t know. This is our fifth episode. So we do five.
Matt: [00:00:33] I think it’s our fault that this is our fourth episode now. OK, well, I’m padding the numbers. Already done. Well, we did the Denver omelet, the celebrities. We did. What do we owe the mattress? Yeah, this is our fifth episode. So I forgot about the celebrity one, the celebrity. How could you forget? Because Avril Lavigne is dead. And I did I forget it’s right.
Matt: [00:00:56] If she was alive and listening to this podcast, she’d be very upset. But it’s taken us five episodes to get to the biggest conspiracy of them all, maybe the most universally reaching, if you will. We’re going to talk about aliens from another planet like visitors and how maybe the government has been covering it up all these times. Or have they?
Matt: [00:01:18] I don’t know what or.
Kelli: [00:01:20] Is the government the aliens?
Matt: [00:01:22] Oh, are we being governed by aliens?
Kelli: [00:01:24] Are we. So I started doing some research about aliens and conspiracies. There’s a million of them.
Matt: [00:01:30] So a million aliens or a million conspiracies Spoel.
Kelli: [00:01:34] So I’m sure we’ll be doing so many episodes. It was really difficult for me to narrow down what we are talking about today.
Matt: [00:01:41] There’s different kinds of aliens and it’s a whole thing, right? So maybe we could sort of level set with kind of the if that makes sense, because there’s like the greys and there’s like what are some of the things, as we kind of referenced in the cold open. So like I used to love me, some X files, like my first online chat name was Spooky Fox, which is a reference to spooky Fox Mulder. Actually, my first Internet fame was back in. Oh my God. What year was it. Nineteen ninety eight. Was that the year. No, nineteen ninety six. That was a presidential election year. Right. I was like eight. OK, so I created a website that was supposed to be the campaign site for Scully and Mulder running for president and it was fairly popular. And unfortunately it is law. I cannot fight because I can’t even find it on the Wayback Machine because I don’t remember the website, because it was like a city’s website or something. But it was like pretty popular for no good reason. It was other than it was like a one joke site, but this was nineteen ninety six and people were just like, holy shit, I can see things on my computer that aren’t on my computer. So the X Files like I think really helped a lot of us think a lot more about alien conspiracy and probably maybe introduced a lot of us to the ideas of shadow conspiracy. I know Kelly said she’s going to watch X, Y, Z, don’t want to give too much away. But I will tell you that, like, when you actually found out aliens really were like it was a thing, it almost kind of made the show kind of suck a little bit because then you were like, oh, we actually saw that, you know, so but there’s still plenty of really good stuff.
Kelli: [00:03:11] It’s OK. You can spoil a 15 year old show for me, at least 15 years old. I think dad and sister are super into it. I just never watched. But it’s on my list, which is like five hundred shows long. So maybe one day, one day.
Matt: [00:03:24] And then if we ever have kind of a more in-depth TV show thing, we can talk about how the entire mythology of the X Files came about because Gillian Anderson got pregnant so well. I mean, we can talk about it for a second right now. But long story short, she was pregnant and they had to like to write an episode where Scully wouldn’t be on the show because she was having a baby and stuff. And so they kind of wrote this episode that was about her being I’m not going to say abducted or whatever, but there was a reason. But that launched into the whole mythology. Like most things in TV, when people tell you, like there is a whole plan, they’re usually full of shit. I’m looking at you. Creators of lost some of the greatest feel about lost. Right. So let’s talk about these aliens.
Kelli: [00:04:03] Ok, well, since you brought it up, I found two main types of aliens, the grays that you mentioned. They’re aliens from another solar system.
Matt: [00:04:11] These are like what you think of if you see, like the emoji alien, like the big head, really big eyes, kind of human shaped. But they’re they’re usually like shorter. Probably don’t wear clothes most of the time for some reason.
Kelli: [00:04:26] Maybe they don’t know about clothes.
Matt: [00:04:27] Maybe maybe they’ve evolved beyond the need for clothing.
Kelli: [00:04:30] Maybe their skin is clothes where they come from. But yes, that’s that type of alien and they’re all called greys. Remember the big heads for later. It’s an important factor in our theory. But then the other type of aliens, which I’m always more fascinated by, the people that believe in these, they’re called reptilians and they’re from hollow earth because the people that believe in reptilian aliens, aliens believe that earth is hollow and aliens live it.
Matt: [00:04:55] Now, interestingly, there’s probably no overlap between flat earth and hollow earth is because according to geometry, that just seems like it wouldn’t work unless it was a very, very thin, hollow earth.
Kelli: [00:05:06] Those two groups are at odds, my friend. They don’t like each other, probably.
Matt: [00:05:10] Yeah. I’m not as familiar with these hollow earth reptilian aliens. So they don’t. Factor into sci fi as much except a little bit in Doctor Who, there’s like, OK, some monsters and that come from inside maybe, and they’re kind of reptilian. So now we know that there’s no new ideas.
Kelli: [00:05:26] No, the reptilians are definitely more of like the greys are what we all think of as aliens. I’m sure there are more subtypes. I just didn’t really find a lot on that. I did. Look, though, the Reptilians are more of a book called A Netsch Alien for a certain group of people.
Matt: [00:05:41] Right. Right. You know, for the more refined alien believer who doesn’t know who the hipster alien believer believes in, the good one’s a hipster.
Kelli: [00:05:49] A hipster conspiracists is pro reptilian hollow earth aliens. But like I said, I’m sure this is the first of many alien episodes because there’s just so much. So I just started with good ol area. Fifty one, what’s there, what’s going on and why do we care? So a little background.
Kelli: [00:06:05] It’s a highly classified Air Force base in Rachel, Nevada. It’s officially called the Homy Airport, or Groom Lake. It’s eighty three miles northwest of Las Vegas. It was acquired by the US government in nineteen fifty five. But I saw debatable things about that. But we’re just going to say that it’s all been very secretive. The CIA didn’t even acknowledge it existed until two thousand thirteen after a two thousand five Freedom of Information request. And they basically all they did was confirmed it was an Air Force base by showing some mostly redacted Vietnam War document, just acknowledging that they were there.
Kelli: [00:06:39] So the CIA initially used it. Basically, they use it to test aircraft. And that’s what it is. It’s a test aircraft surveillance, the Air Force base. Yeah. Yeah. And so even if there’s more going on, it’s it’s still used for that because we know because we have documents now, I mean, there’d be a reason for it to be classified.
Matt: [00:06:55] Right. Right. That that’s makes sense.
Kelli: [00:06:58] So a lot of it in the fifties was of course used as aerial surveillance for nuclear warheads and nuclear weapons. And then there’s also some rumors that they have tested nukes there. But again, that’s not confirmed. I don’t know, CIA don’t come after us. So the perimeter of the base is marked with orange posts and it’s controlled by guards and pickup trucks and camo fatigues. And basically every five feet, there’s a sign warning you that if you enter, they’ll use deadly force. It’s also just like completely surrounded by surveillance cameras and motion detectors. But area fifty one kind of became a thing. So in twenty six, after the two thousand five request, the FOIA request, D’Wayne a day published something.
Kelli: [00:07:38] Basically there is a Sky Lab memo and the Sky Lab memo was written in nineteen seventy four because astronauts on the Skylab space shuttle accidentally photographed area fifty one waps up the sorry command, I mean luckily was nineteen seventy four so they couldn’t accidentally post on Instagram or something. Right. So everyone was very upset about this but then someone in the Air Force was like, oh don’t worry, the Soviets already have pictures of Area 51. We good so that it got published eventually. And the pictures are just if it does work because the whole base is underground.
Matt: [00:08:15] So I don’t know why it would matter if you saw the aliens out, like having a smoke break or something like that.
Kelli: [00:08:21] You know, no, the aliens are very busy creating a shadow government, which we’ll get to later.
Matt: [00:08:26] Well, you got to take a break every now and again, like even from creating a shadow government, you know, I mean, can’t work, work, work, work, work.
Kelli: [00:08:33] The Illuminati doesn’t agree. No smoke breaks for the aliens. So there’s many theories about what goes on at Area 51. And so some of my favorites were that it’s mostly just alien stuff. And I’ll talk about Roswell in a minute, because that’s when this really gained momentum. That’s when the rumors about aliens gained momentum, was when they realized that they believe that the Roswell alien wreckage is hiding there. Another popular theory is that it’s where the government can meet with alien government officials for cross government meetings.
Matt: [00:09:02] Oh, it’s nice. They’ve got like conference room B?
Kelli: [00:09:06] No, there’s a Ramada under area fifty one where they go. But then they they think they might be developing energy weapons there, which honestly could be true. Who’s to say. Not really funny though. And then also developing weather control technology there, which again, probably true also it’s a place where teleportation is legal.
Matt: [00:09:24] Oh, that’s good. Because normally it’s against the law.
Kelli: [00:09:27] That’s why we don’t do it really well.
Matt: [00:09:30] Yes, it’s against the law, but it would be the law of physics, not the laws of this land.
Kelli: [00:09:35] And who wants to be punished in the court of physics.
Matt: [00:09:38] Right. It sounds really boring.
Kelli: [00:09:40] My favorite theory, which I’ll spend a lot of time on later, because I got really deep into a hole there is that it’s where the meetings of the shadow one world government occur and where the conference room be. Yes. Still in that same conference room they alternate, right?
Matt: [00:09:55] Yes. Well, because conference room A like the the air conditioning isn’t working and there are still facilities on it. Don’t worry about it.
Kelli: [00:10:02] Sad stayed on the carpet for acute acoustic events.
Matt: [00:10:05] You don’t want to get stuck in conference room an area fifty one. That’s like how you know, you have like been bumped down the echelon of the shadow government. That’s a sign. But here’s an area. Fifty one thing. So. Wasn’t it like two years ago or something like some YouTube or somebody like had this idea that they were going to like Storm Area 51 because they can’t shoot us all and somehow people were like super into this. But like, it didn’t happen. The way that you nodded and got very animated when I brought that up tells me you have something about this.
Kelli: [00:10:35] Ok, well, I do have research about it. But it also reminds me, I was doing a client visit at a residential facility and an Area 51. Yes. But on there, hanging one calendar on the date of this, they had a storm area.
Matt: [00:10:48] Fifty one because you don’t want to forget it, like it would be like me. How I almost forgot tomorrow was garbage day. Like, how much would that suck? You wake up and you’re like whatever that you look on Twitter, you’re like, oh shit, I missed it.
Kelli: [00:10:58] And this person did ask me for a day pass to do this. I was like, sadly, no, but I would have given it to you. But the corporate says, no, I was gonna say, that’s some bullshit.
Matt: [00:11:09] Well, that’s because the shadow government is part of that. Like you’re like, I would totally grant you this, but the shadow government will let me correct.
Kelli: [00:11:17] In July twenty nineteen, there was an event to storm area fifty one. Over five thousand people RSVP to this Facebook event. They said they can’t shoot us all. We can get in.
Matt: [00:11:27] It was no No. One, as was pointed out. Yes, they can shoot you all because I think I remember looking up there like you’d have to go so far that they would have to go. There’s no way even five thousand that many people would have because it was like a huge distance from like the closest road like, yeah, you would be right.
Kelli: [00:11:45] They’ve got the energy weapons. There’s not like an area fifty one highway exit like that.
Matt: [00:11:51] There’s not there’s not a bus stop or you know, Uber does not take you to Area 51.
Kelli: [00:11:57] Oh but can we try.
Matt: [00:11:58] And what happens if you look up area fifty one on Google Maps.
Kelli: [00:12:02] I don’t know. But now can someone sponsor us, give us some ads so we can sponsor a field trip to Nevada and I can see if we can Uber to area fifty one.
Matt: [00:12:10] There is there is a location in Nevada called area fifty one alien center and that’s official. I don’t think it is right off the highway, but there’s area fifty one, Nevada Homi Airport and. Yeah, yeah, there’s nothing around it. You’re very, very far away from. Yeah. And there’s a picture though. There’s a picture of the like don’t come in here or we’ll shoot your face.
Kelli: [00:12:34] So then this came to fame because I’ll circle back to the storming area. Fifty one because it actually ties in directly to one of my other big conspiracies. But most of the people that RSVP to this were like young men in their twenties, some early thirties.
Matt: [00:12:50] The Abramoff is shocked that there is gambling going on in this in this.
Kelli: [00:12:55] One hundred and fifty people showed up out of five thousand Ahrons VPs and five were arrested and the rest went back to their Kichi Hotel outside of Racheal, Nevada. That’s alien thing. I read something when I was researching this about like why people are attracted to conspiracy theories that I thought was just kind of very good. Some serious, not really quick, but this was research by Dr Karen Douglas. She’s at Kent University in England. But she talks about how conspiracy theories meet three basic needs, four people. And one of them is like a greater understanding of the universe. The second is control and security, and the third is to improve your self image. And that third one surprised me. But it’s she goes into great detail about how if you believe in a conspiracy and really hold to it and that becomes your world view, you feel like a sense of belonging and it helps you feel better about yourself.
Matt: [00:13:46] Well, yeah, you belong to that group of people who are in the know. Right.
Kelli: [00:13:50] But what was most fascinating to me was that sense of control and security. It brings you because it makes sense, because most conspiracies stem from like traumatic events, the 9/11 truth or conspiracies and just stuff going on now, even with the covid vaccine. So I was just it was fascinating to see that research shows that these conspiracy theories aren’t just for fun, but things that people really cling to.
Matt: [00:14:14] Unfortunately, there’s a lot of shitty stuff that happens really for no reason. And that’s really frustrating. And if you can pin a reason on it, it makes you feel even, you know, like and that gives you someone to be mad at. Right. Like, you can’t just be mad at fate, but you can be mad at the Illuminati gives you a focus.
Kelli: [00:14:30] Oh yes. But we are not mad at the Illuminati, OK, because they are Illuminati sponsors.
Matt: [00:14:34] This podcast, wouldn’t that be so great if we were the first ever Illuminati spots, you could just go to quicheanon.com/illuminati-sponsor and get yourself twenty percent off your your first month of membership in the shadow government shadow world government. Correct. What a good deal. Can’t be beat. They might even send you a free t shirt. We should work on that show. We’ll just do merch like we’ve got like thirty people listen to this show. I’m sure they’d all buy a t shirt if you would buy a question on the t shirt, tweeted us @quicheanon and let us know and maybe we’ll maybe we’ll make one. Also let us know what that t shirt should have on it because we really don’t want to do any of the work for.
Kelli: [00:15:15] Also, can somebody set us up a store, can someone design us a T-shirt and someone to do all this for us in various sizes, please?
Kelli: [00:15:23] Anything you want. OK, so Area 51 kind of became popular around nineteen eighty nine because a man named Bob Lazaar or Laser, I didn’t care to look up the pronunciation, claimed he was contracted with the US government to work with the UFO technology in area fifty one and kind of rebuild their technology, see how it works and copy it. So Bob Lazar basically started a movement here recently or like a few years ago was Joe Rogan’s podcast. And this is what I’m leading into the area. Fifty one because the storming area fifty one came right after that podcast was released with Bob Lazaar or rereleased, I don’t know. But anyway, it turns out Bob was there. I never worked it.
Matt: [00:16:06] And no one, no good can come of being on Joe Rogan’s podcast.
Kelli: [00:16:10] Now we’re the only good podcast. Bubbles are huge shock and disappointment here. Never worked at Area 51 or contracted with the US government. He was a photo processor at Walgreens during the time when he alleged that he was working at Area 51. So this is truly a conspiracy that was made up out of nothing and then just spread like wildfire.
Kelli: [00:16:30] But in nineteen eighty nine, when Bob was originally wrote this book saying he did all this stuff, he talked about how that the Roswell crash material was being stored at area fifty one. So if you don’t know about Roswell, it was an excellent teen drama on the WB and about the year two thousand one. And I was really into it and it got cancelled too soon. And it was also July in nineteen forty seven US Army balloon crash at a ranch near Roswell, New Mexico. The crash materials looked very suspicious because they were things that people likely had never seen before because they were balloons sent to monitor nukes.
Matt: [00:17:02] Yes.
Matt: [00:17:03] So when a balloon nuk nuk balloons, that’s going to I was gonna say it’s kind of hard to say, but it’s actually not.
Kelli: [00:17:08] It’s just fun to say unless you’re George W. Bush, then it’s hard. But yeah. So he said that the Roswell crash stuff is there and that the reports of it being a nuclear watch weather balloon weren’t true. The Roswell crash has literally been debunked, though, because they showed us what nuclear monitoring stuff crashed now that we’re out of the Cold War. But there’s still rumors today that Roswell is a complex UFO cover up. This was also so there’s bubbles are feeding in all this. And then there’s John Lere. He was a pilot and the heir to the Learjet fortune. And he said that the aliens captured at Roswell were stored underground at area fifty one forced to reproduce and they were experimented on. And he is the one who originated the term or brought it to popularity, not originated sorry, the Greys. Throughout his book, he says that the graves are being forced to live and reproduce underground.
Matt: [00:18:01] I hope they don’t run into the Reptilians because then there could be this massive alien war beneath our feet and we don’t even know about it.
Kelli: [00:18:07] That could be happening in Earth’s core right now because it’s hollow physics be damned.
Kelli: [00:18:12] So Annie Jacobsen wrote a book called The Pentagon Brain, but in it she gives in or Transcribes discusses an interview with an unnamed CIA official. Big air quotes there, because I just don’t think this person exists. But he said, the Pentagon official, that Stotland, I’m going to try really hard to get through this without laughing. So I’m just sorry in advance.
Matt: [00:18:35] I’ll be sorry if you do get through it without laughing, but.
Kelli: [00:18:38] Nothing’s funnier than Stalin.
Kelli: [00:18:41] So Stalin ordered a Nazi doctor to enlarge the heads of abducted teenagers and their short ones. Their heads were sufficiently large. They were taught to fly like it was supposed to fly all over the US and.
Matt: [00:19:00] Is there something wrong with the way that flying saucer like the control plane of a flying saucer requires a big head like do you steer it with your head? But if your head is not sufficiently large, you can’t fit into the control apparatus. I’m just curious about why you need a big head to fly a flying saucer.
Kelli: [00:19:19] This is a very simple explanation I can give you. Thank you. Because somebody sketched aliens with big heads and flying saucers, so in which it’s going to send the real thing.
Matt: [00:19:29] I got it. Got it. Got it. Oh so much to mess with it. That’s what was supposed to happen. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it.
Kelli: [00:19:36] Ok, so as he abducted more and more teenagers from I don’t know where and enlarge their heads, which is definitely something that’s medically possible.
Matt: [00:19:44] And they flew this. Why bother putting like a mask on them or something? You know, if you’re just trying to scare people, like it’s got to be legit.
Kelli: [00:19:51] Yes. You can’t you have to have an actual big head. But instead of scaring everyone, they accidentally crashed in Roswell. Oops. Another biopsy. But yeah. So that was his explanation in a book that someone published for Why Aliens crashed it.
Matt: [00:20:07] And bear in mind, this was before the days of like self publishing where anybody can write a book and put it on Amazon like. Dinosaur romance novels or whatever. Which, by the way, that’s like an actual thing, I just perked up what there is there are serious seriously. I’ll find a link and I’ll be in the show notes. It’s a whole genre of like they’re like romance novels about women, like being in love with dinosaurs. So imagine like a romance novel cover, but instead of Fabio, it’s like a velociraptor or something. I swear on my life, I’m not making this up. I had a really weird dream some time that was so specific that it included like tweets and links and stuff. So check the show notes.
Kelli: [00:20:50] I don’t know how we could bounce back from that. I might have to end the dinosaur or the aliens. I don’t know how to recover. I don’t know where I was.
Matt: [00:20:58] I would like to point out that I started typing up inductor go dinosaur r o m. And the first thing that comes up in the heart of suggested is dinosaur romance novels. So. Oh yeah. OK, yeah I found it the link, I’ll put it in there. It’s called Some Lady is cranking out dinosaur romance novels. Oh OK. It’s from it’s an article from like seven years ago. But yes, there are titles like T. Rex Troubles Mating with the Raptor. I knew there was a Velociraptor one. And my first personal favorite right now is ravished by the Triceratops.
Kelli: [00:21:34] Well, because there are so many options.
Matt: [00:21:37] This is this is pretty amazing. So, yeah, check the show notes at quicheanon.com To what is there is a key station on dotcom. Yeah. Just it’s just that if you don’t if I’m forgetting it while this is really bad, OK, it’s just Keesha on dot com.
Kelli: [00:21:54] I should know our own website now I think because you told me it was on and it kept and then I finally just went to the Twitter profile.
Matt: [00:22:01] Right. That I was just going to tell people, if you can’t remember our website, go to go to Keysha and on Twitter and look at the link, which, by the way, did finally update our BIOS. That has our names on it now anyway. So, yeah. So there’s dinosaur romance novels, everything thing, and they somehow beautiful.
Kelli: [00:22:16] I bet the aliens are responsible for those.
Matt: [00:22:19] I bet the aliens are into it.
Kelli: [00:22:21] Yeah, not for sure. I wonder if they had a good relationship with the dinosaurs. We’ll never know. OK, so my favorite area. Fifty one conspiracy theory and what we’re going to finish with because it’s the last thing in research is that area. Fifty one underground houses, a one world shadow government of the aliens and the people. It’s cooperation, it’s like NATO but just different. Ah the UN would be more accurate. So Milton William Cooper wrote a book in nineteen ninety one called Behold a Pale Horse. And this book is influential. This is a blurb, an actual blurb that it’s influential among militia and UFO circles, which is a Venn diagram that is a perfect circle and something I never want to be a part of or even adjacent to because there’s nothing scarier to me than a militia UFO group. It’s terrifying.
Matt: [00:23:16] Yeah, I screwed up that Venn diagram joke that was it’s really the intersection that you want to. I don’t think it’s a perfect circle because there’s probably well, actually, I’m willing to bet that the alien conspiracy theorists circle resides entirely within the militia people. But not all militia weirdoes are alien.
Kelli: [00:23:35] I know. I’m pretty sure it’s exactly the same. People know because I know a lot of alien people that aren’t in military. Yeah, you’re right. It’s probably the other way around. It probably goes the other way around.
Kelli: [00:23:45] I think you’re right. I think all militia men believe in the shadow government, but I don’t think shadow government believers believe in a militia.
Kelli: [00:23:54] Right. Fair of the lot.
Kelli: [00:23:57] I just. What do you think is I’m a dinosaur? Romance novels like what? What are the dinosaur romance novels influential among.
Matt: [00:24:04] Oh, you mean like who do they overlap with. Yeah. Who do they appeal to. I think they appeal to the woman that wrote them and that’s probably about it.
Matt: [00:24:14] One woman who actually she is a plain old everyday Midwestern girl that lives a normal life. However, while my outward tastes are relatively simple, my inner thoughts are filled with lusty thoughts of big, strong, powerful monsters having their way with beautiful maidens.
Matt: [00:24:29] Pretty sure that, again, her target audience is herself. That said, if you’re into this, speak up on Twitter and let us know, because don’t be ashamed. We won’t. We won’t. There’s no kink-shaming on quiche-anon. I mean, actually, if there is if there was ever going to be, it would be this like this one. Actually, I don’t believe in kink shaming, but I will shame the fuck out of dinosaur erotica.
Kelli: [00:24:52] Any of our listeners don’t know I’m a therapist professionally and I just say that’s just the most fascinating case ever. And I want to write to this woman and just really unpack where this is coming from. OK, so back to our shadow government. The Illuminati is involved. Don’t worry, Milton. William Cooper allegedly worked for the Navy. Again, no one can say for sure. He claims while he works for the Navy, he saw secret documents about the shadow government. All right. He claimed the shadow government between aliens and humans was formed in nineteen fifty for President Eisenhower, negotiated with the aliens and then established an Illuminati inner circle to manage relations with the aliens and keep them a secret.
Matt: [00:25:34] So this reminds me, I don’t I don’t want to, like, spur off, but I feel like we have to make sure we mentioned that there was a thing there was some dude from the Israeli government or Israeli military who basically, like on the record, said like there was like some alien interstellar bureau and they’ve been in contact with us here on Earth prepping. Kelly, I know I sent you some dude had a TikTok about it.
Kelli: [00:25:59] No, I believe you. But also, I never watch any Tiktoks, any.
Matt: [00:26:02] No, no, no. We talked about this, did we? Yeah. You were like that. Dude, I want to listen to him talk all the time.
Kelli: [00:26:08] I don’t I have no recollection.
Matt: [00:26:10] Yeah, no. It was this whole thing about like remember where it was like the guy was pretending to be from is like, oh wait, do they have this. And he was like yelling at his face.
Kelli: [00:26:18] Oh yes. Yeah. So you’re talking about I didn’t associate him with the Israeli army at all.
Matt: [00:26:24] That’s well that’s what it was a reference to that story. But the thing about this,
Kelli: [00:26:29] I don’t think I read the story.
Kelli: [00:26:31] So I thought it was a really funny skit.
Matt: [00:26:33] It was a really funny skit. But here’s my core thing about and this goes back to this shadow government existing how the ever living crap would Donald Trump be able to keep his big fucking mouth shut about this? Like, how would you put it?
Kelli: [00:26:47] Well, because threatened numerous times to reveal big things about aliens on the top of my head, like three times it’s been like I thought about revealing big alien things and I decided against it.
Matt: [00:26:58] So it is it is a statement about how much ridiculousness happens from this administration, that the fact that the president of the United States has on three occasions threatened to reveal information about the existence of aliens. And that completely missed my radar.
Kelli: [00:27:14] And also the one thing I really wanted him to follow through on, and it just didn’t work out like I am begging for someone to tell me about the alien government.
Matt: [00:27:24] You got a couple more days, but let’s let’s go back to this shadow government. So we’ve got collaboration.
Kelli: [00:27:29] Eisenhower’s doing stuff, you know, which is so funny because Dwight D. Eisenhower is like the most milquetoast president we’ve ever had. Like, I’m pretty sure Dwight and Mamie had a 5:00 p.m. dinner table every night. I just can’t imagine coming to Dwight Eisenhower with aliens.
Matt: [00:27:46] He might have just been like, whatever. OK, then. Exactly. I almost would see. I almost would see, like, Ike being a little more like, OK, next, you know, just deal with that.
Kelli: [00:27:58] And you report back tomorrow, right?
Kelli: [00:28:00] Exactly. I mean, let me know how it goes.
Kelli: [00:28:01] Also for me as your boss, that’s for everyone listening. It wants that exciting experience.
Kelli: [00:28:06] Ok, so there’s a the aliens rule and manipulate the human race through religion, witchcraft, magic and the occult that is spread by the Illuminati members of the shadow government. Everyone stuck with me so far on the layers and the complexities of the shadow government. The aliens manage and manipulate the Illuminati. And there’s there’s four components to the new world order. A new world order is the Illuminati faction that is in the shadow government. New World Order is responsible for a lot. They have a lot going on. So it’s the Bilderberg Group, which I didn’t know what this was because I’m not even close to rich enough to know what this is. But it’s like a fancy meeting of like royals and aristocrats and like American business people or whatever at the Bilderberg Estate, I think in Denmark.
Kelli: [00:28:54] And this happens every year maybe,
Matt: [00:28:55] I don’t know, Danish Princes Ledet, they talk about things I was going to say, like I would think of any country, like the most perfect little country in the entire world is Denmark. So it could all be a front to cover for nefarious things. Right? That’s thing. But nobody ever suspects Denmark. Why?
Kelli: [00:29:14] I mean, the aliens let the Danes be so happy. Why do you think they’re always like number one on quality of life? The aliens let that happen. So there’s quiet?
Matt: [00:29:24] Well, it’s because also that’s where Lego comes from. So that’s why they’re so happy also.
Kelli: [00:29:29] Ok, so then the Bilderberg Group, then there’s the Knights of Columbus. They are part of the alien New World Order Illuminati, the Masons, of course, the Freemasons. They have to be everywhere. You know, they’re just they can’t steal the stone. There’s. Yes. And then Skull and Bones, which is a Yale secret society, I think.
Matt: [00:29:49] Wasn’t there a movie with Joshua Jackson? Yeah.
Kelli: [00:29:52] Yeah. That’s all I know about that. Because who doesn’t love Joshua Jackson in two thousand one when that movie came out?
Matt: [00:29:59] Isn’t that also technically what got us Facebook isn’t the whole thing that Zuck was like pissed off because he couldn’t get into like it’s like bullshit like that is like what made him, like, destroy democracy? Yeah, I think so. Or maybe it was just because he couldn’t get laid. It was both. But there was something I remember that. From the from that movie with Lex Luthor in it, oh, that’s really going to bug me.
Kelli: [00:30:19] So, you know, the name of the movie was called The Social Network. Social Network. Yeah. Yeah. I say Newsweek. What is I don’t know. You think of the newsroom. That’s what I think.
Kelli: [00:30:28] That has nothing to do with that good show when I go to network, which is not what I will be watching later, because that’s like one of the best movies ever.
Matt: [00:30:34] It is. You should also if you haven’t watched the newsroom, you super should. I will. So the thing is, the first, like the opening scene of the pilot episode is really powerful. But remember, it happened pre Magga. And now you hear what he says when you have Magga in your head and it being something totally different. But it’s still really, really good. And like, it’s got tons of great people in it and it’s awesome dialogue and blah, blah, blah.
Kelli: [00:30:59] Anyway, I’ll add a sense of list.
Matt: [00:31:02] Aaron Sorkin has yet to create a TV drama about shadow government conspiracies. And when he does, I will be signing up for whatever streaming service that shit is on. Shut up and take my money.
Kelli: [00:31:15] I think you and I have wildly different interpretations of the West Wing.
Kelli: [00:31:23] So I’m just going to go back to the of government funders that conspire with the grace to take over the world. And as proof of this, there is a Navy secretary who is the last US secretary of the Navy and then became the first US secretary of defense because they made it one they unified. And his name was James Forrestal.
Kelli: [00:31:43] So this is when Truman and Dewey were running for president against each other and James Forrestal was really well as deemed by everyone. So he met with Dewey. And Dewey said, if I win, I’m keeping you on. Truman said, if I win, I want you to stay. All was fine and dandy. And then him and Truman had a meeting and it got heated and Truman asked him to resign after the meeting. And so he resigned his whole career and then went straight to a psychiatric hospital, was taken there.
Kelli: [00:32:15] But he had had no previous psychiatric hospital stays, which is why people think it is bizarre because one second he was being heralded as the secretary of defense and then literally he had a bad meeting and the president had his people take him to a psychiatric facility. It is sketchy.
Kelli: [00:32:33] Yeah, but I don’t know how admission’s worked in nineteen forty nine, so I can’t I have no reference, but I do think it’s kind of sketchy no matter why. Just for the record, the Navy surgeon general was in charge of his care and in charge of his care. Only no other like doctors or nurses were allowed to help with his care. Weird. And in nineteen forty nine the treatment for his condition, which was never labeled, was narcosis, which is something he used to call a truth serum, which is just like a random mishmash of psychoactive drugs. And then after he did his truth serum, they placed him in a diabetic coma by injecting with insulin for a few days rest. Well, that’ll teach them to do whatever he did. I must know what was said in that meeting.
Matt: [00:33:22] Something something in the room where it happened. That’s what Hamilton’s really about. Are you think Hamilton is about one thing? It’s really an allegory to a new world order shadow government conspiracy level.
Kelli: [00:33:34] Lin-Manuel Miranda kind of has an alien head dam.
Matt: [00:33:37] Ok, well, we will we will have a special episode where we draw the connections and we find all the references in Hamilton to shadow government and Illuminati because, oh, we will find them. We will find them.
Kelli: [00:33:51] We will find them anywhere.
Matt: [00:33:53] Oh, this is going to be like the average living death conspiracy that some website made up. So you will find people are going to be like cruising on Twitter and Facebook can be like, oh my God, did you know that Hamilton’s really about the Illuminati and Lin-Manuel is really an alien. And then later, you know, someone’s going to write a blog post about this years later and it’s going to get traced back to this Quiche-Anon episode.
Kelli: [00:34:11] So Medda, just a conspiracy theory.
Kelli: [00:34:13] I don’t know about you, but that’s how I want to be remembered. Absolutely. I’m not even going to try to get published anymore.
Matt: [00:34:21] Make your mark. Who lives, who dies, who tells your story. Right?
Kelli: [00:34:26] That Hamilton. I’ve never heard it.
Matt: [00:34:28] Yeah. That’s going to be a really tough episode.
Kelli: [00:34:33] It’s going to be,
Matt: [00:34:36] Although actually not being familiar with the show at all might actually make it a little easier to make shit up. Who knows?
Kelli: [00:34:41] With all things I discuss here, I have no knowledge of just blowing off a few random sentences on the Internet. OK, so for us all, it’s a sad story. And they find him on the roof of the parking garage because he at least from his hospital window, this was in nineteen forty nine. So it’s just like OK to talk about we feel like we’re new and so people think this death is suspicious. I actually am going to see if there’s any like TV episodes about this because I would like to see more about it because there’s big. Issues with the death report that was released, the hospital records that were kept and how he was found, and I don’t know if it’s about a shadow government, but to me, it sounds like this man was murdered. So know people blame his murder on the Majestic 12.
Matt: [00:35:30] And what is the Majestic 12, Kelli?
Kelli: [00:35:32] thank you for asking. It was a secret committee started by President Truman to facilitate a secret committee of Illuminati members. Sorry, I should have specified to facilitate and recover and investigate alien spacecraft crashes.
Matt: [00:35:48] I feel like this ties into the men in black. And I don’t mean like the wacky Will Smith rapid, I thought. But like many, black is a thing like, you know, and I was real excited when they came out with the movie because I was like, you know about that.
Kelli: [00:36:02] So there’s the Majestic 12 where the original red and black, that was one of my next fix. So good job.
Matt: [00:36:08] But the best X Files man in black reference is there’s an episode called Hosie Chun’s from Outer Space, and it’s the first time the men in Black appear in the X Files. And one of them looks like Jesse the Body Ventura and the other one is played by Alex Trebek. And when someone is telling the story and he goes, well, he goes, I didn’t say it was Alex Trebek. I said he looked remarkably like Alex Trebek. So in my mind, you might think Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith to me, the men in Black or Jesse the Body Ventura and Alex Trebek.
Kelli: [00:36:39] Yeah, those are kind of way better. But Will Smith and Tommy Jones are good ones.
Matt: [00:36:43] They did pretty good, too. Yeah, I’m not going to lie, but that’s what the Majestic 12 were. They were the precursors, the antecedent, if you will, the year. I said they’re on the mini.
Kelli: [00:36:56] So Cooper, the man who wrote this book, died in November of 2001, but he had a lot of great conspiracy theories that I pulled from for future episodes. But basically his whole theory is that the shadow government, the aliens, protects us from an alien invasion by allowing a certain amount of abductions per year.
Matt: [00:37:14] It’s like it’s sort of how there’s a certain amount of like rat droppings that are allowed in cans of stew or whatever. Right. You know, it’s like, yep, just the FDA allows a certain amount of alien abductions per year. It’s just there for your own protection.
Kelli: [00:37:27] Really nothing like a good can of Hormel chili with a certain amount of rat droppings.
Matt: [00:37:32] And it’s a certain amount. It’s a certain amount. We don’t know what that amount is.
Kelli: [00:37:36] It’s a certain amount not up to us, but. Yeah, so that’s about it. That’s a series of the shadows.
Kelli: [00:37:41] Government does a bunch of stuff and then he thinks that the human classes, the human scapegoat classes, which he names the Illuminati and Jewish people as a human scapegoat, they will be saved. They won’t be murdered when the aliens do invade. But I don’t know what our agreement ends at a certain date and they can’t renegotiate or like why the aliens would invade if we’re allowing them X amount of humans per year. I don’t know the details.
Matt: [00:38:07] Maybe if we renege on that deal, you like a way out.
Matt: [00:38:10] Oh, you didn’t allow enough or would be actually. The problem is this is probably how it’s going to get screwed up because we’ve been on lockdown from covid. So people haven’t been going outside. So the aliens can’t abduct. So they’re not going to make their quota and they’re going to be like, you were supposed to allow us a certain number of abductions per year and we were not able to get them this year. So it’s time to invade and we’ll all be like, but covid. And it’ll be like, I don’t care because the aliens are landlords.
Kelli: [00:38:35] What’s actually happening is that half of Florida is being abducted by aliens right now because they have to concentrate in one place to meet them.
Matt: [00:38:42] I’m I don’t have any problem with this. It seems like there’s no downside to this whatsoever.
Kelli: [00:38:48] It might not have to sell-off Florida. and push it out into the ocean.
Matt: [00:38:52] I mean, can we can we pay the abduction to advance? You could just take them all now and then we’ll just be like, you know, have a credit.
Kelli: [00:38:58] I love that idea. Yeah.
Matt: [00:39:00] So that’s a little reference Will Smith again, don’t take Miami.
Kelli: [00:39:06] That was the my first CD.
Matt: [00:39:08] If your song if your city has been a more immortalized in a Will Smith song, you are allowed to remain after the alien abduction and invasion.
Kelli: [00:39:17] Philadelphia and Miami. Right.
Matt: [00:39:20] OK, great. And the whole wild wild west.
Kelli: [00:39:24] Oh, that’s right. West of the Mississippi. Do you think.
Matt: [00:39:27] Is that right? I don’t know. Will Smith, if you listen to this show and I assume you do, let us know what the geographical boundaries of the Wild Wild West are.
Kelli: [00:39:35] Or Kevin Kline. Well, he might know. Yeah. Or Salma Hayek, another great film made in 1999.
Matt: [00:39:42] It was definitely a film from nineteen ninety nine. That’s true.
Kelli: [00:39:46] I loved it. I was eleven but but yeah. So that’s pretty much all I had on aliens at area fifty one in our shadow government.
Matt: [00:39:55] So it’s probably a good time to pivot to the food stuff because it’s supposed to be a multifaceted show. We run here and I don’t think there’s any good recipes around aliens, but maybe there are. But we didn’t think of them.
Kelli: [00:40:07] It made me think of Quisp cereal, which is why I wanted to discuss I wanted to do a brief cereal draft I.
Matt: [00:40:14] Don’t know about you, but every time I get, like, social media ads for that, like one toothbrush called a Quisp, I’m like, that was a secret.
Kelli: [00:40:22] Yeah. Yeah, right. Oh, it’s a quip. The quip is the toothbrush. It’s not a question. Is this. Yeah, but it’s close. Close enough that I thought about it, you know.
Matt: [00:40:31] So I don’t think that’s the brand association they’re going for. They’re like sugary sugary cereal from the 70s meats like oral hygiene because you’re like, oh should I eat that so much of the 70s?
Kelli: [00:40:43] I should go brush my teeth.
Matt: [00:40:44] I would probably brush my teeth about 40 years later. That’s the marketing strategy.
Matt: [00:40:50] Shit, that’s like 50 years. Oh, my God, I’m old. OK, so we’re thinking about cereal. Let’s let’s let’s let’s let’s move back to talking about here, OK?
Kelli: [00:40:57] I just wanted us very quickly because this is fun to me and me only.
Kelli: [00:41:00] Probably we we have to do this entire podcast, just my own vanity project.
Matt: [00:41:08] I didn’t know that we actually were caring what everybody wanted to listen do we do not. So now you have to listen to us draft cereal this week.
Matt: [00:41:17] How does that work? You know you know, from our experience, like my experience with, like, the movie bracket thing that I don’t understand sports references that are not baseball.
Kelli: [00:41:26] You well, baseball has a draft. So you offer you pick a cereal and then I pick a cereal, OK? I can’t pick the same one. So I give you not the best cereal out. I’m just screwed. And it’s just not on my team of cereal.
Matt: [00:41:38] Is this like, oh, OK. I almost did something really stupid, so I’m going to say it. I was going to say, is this a serpentine draft? But of course it is, because there’s two people like, yes, it is. Yes. Oh, actually. Well, it would be if it was serpentine, it would be like you would get to.
Matt: [00:41:52] But I think it’s just alternating because it seems kind of dumb to. But all right. Do you want to you can drop the first cereal number one cereal number one cereal Captain Crunch,
Kelli: [00:42:02] Not even in my top five now. Good for you. Lucky for you then. I think that is just you like your mouth being shredded. Yeah.
Matt: [00:42:09] The roof of your mouth.
Kelli: [00:42:11] My number one pick a cinnamon toast crunch.
Matt: [00:42:13] Yeah. I would not go there. I mean, I like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but it’s it’s one of the reason. It’s one of the cereals that I allow to be stockpiled in my house because I know I will never eat it as a snack. Like, like I won’t like go and look for something to eat and decide to mount a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch. I mean, I will eat it. It’s not disgusting to me or anything. It’s just like not that. So my number two cereal is Frosted Flakes,
Kelli: [00:42:35] OK, my number two cereals, Fruity Pebbles,
Matt: [00:42:38] My number three cereal is Fruit Loops.
Kelli: [00:42:42] Well, that’s a good one. My number three cereal is apple cinnamon cheerios.
Matt: [00:42:47] My number four cereal. This is a tough one because there’s two that would. Well, no, no. I mean, there’s two that are basically very similar. And I think I’m going to go with Cocoa Krispies.
Kelli: [00:42:57] Ok, that’s good, because my favorite cereal is my preference. Cocoa Pebbles.
Matt: [00:43:01] Right. Because I could never decide which one I like better. So this is it. This is the light.
Kelli: [00:43:05] So let’s recap. So what’s on your list so far?
Matt: [00:43:07] Oh, I’ve got Cap’n Crunch, Frosted Flakes, Fruit Loops, Cocoa Krispies. Yes.
Matt: [00:43:13] OK, and then my number five cereal. And this is going to be that’s going to kind of blow your mind a little bit. Is Raisin Bran crunch right now?
Kelli: [00:43:25] I like I would jam with Raisin. I had that.
Matt: [00:43:27] I would even go with plain Raisin Bran, even the crunch. I’d pump the crunch up just a little bit like my alternate. My sub is Raisin Bran.
Matt: [00:43:34] So what’s so recap yours, Kelli, is Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Kelli: [00:43:38] Fruity Pebbles, right?
Kelli: [00:43:40] No, no, no. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. No. What’s Fruity Pebbles, Pebbles, Apple, Cinnamon, Cocoa Pebbles, Cocoa Pebbles.
Kelli: [00:43:49] And then my fifth cereal is going to be the Golden Gram.
Matt: [00:43:53] Oh, the golden graham. Golden Grahams suffers the same problem. A Cinnamon Toast Crunch, which is you must eat it very, very quickly because it becomes soggy about twenty seconds after it touches.
Kelli: [00:44:03] That’s when I start to like it.
Kelli: [00:44:05] Oh, and then you just keep making new bowls with the U.S..
Matt: [00:44:09] Just keep and I am guilty of the reload. Like you get milk still left and then you’re like a cereal.
Matt: [00:44:15] Oh I got to go like put some more in here. So it’s a problem. Listeners like let us know your top five cereal draft cereal fights there should be hard for their cereal.
Kelli: [00:44:28] Bring it. Let’s that’s Twitter fight because I’m going to think about for after this and go oh shoot. I mean there’s lots more but apple cinnamon Cheerios and Apple Jacks.
Matt: [00:44:39] I would put Apple Jacks over. I never really apple cinnamon Cheerios.
Kelli: [00:44:42] So I think Apple Jacks Apple Cinnamon Tree is one of the few cereals I can eat dry.
Matt: [00:44:48] Yeah, I used to be. And I think I’ve like exposure therapy, reverse exposure therapy myself out of it. It’s Lucky Charms because I’m telling you, you’re good. Well, here’s the thing. So like I grew up like no sugar cereal. So the same thing that happens when a child is deprived of something, what do they do? Within seconds of going to college, they overindulge. So like I was Lucky Charms for like twenty years out of the room.
Kelli: [00:45:10] Give me your cereal.
Matt: [00:45:11] I just I just can’t do Lucky Charms anymore. At all, which is just as well, so that’s why Lucky Charms and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, very safe cereals to have in my house. However, Captain Crunch, it lasts like a day and that box is gone.
Kelli: [00:45:25] I get why you like it now and why I don’t. Because you don’t like it when it gets soggy so that Captain Crunch never gets soggy.
Matt: [00:45:31] It doesn’t. It could sit in a bowl of milk overnight. It would hold up.
Kelli: [00:45:36] I like Lucky Charms, but only the marshmallows.
Kelli: [00:45:39] I don’t care about your oat,
Matt: [00:45:40] But then it’s just a big bowl of marshmallows. Think about Amazon. So my dog used to be like this. So like there was a kind of dog food he really liked that wasn’t super good for him, but he really liked it. And so we would mix it with like the stuff that was healthy. And he would seriously, it was like a kid eating the marshmallows out of Lucky Charms. He would very delicately pick out the the kibble that he liked and then leave the entire rest of it. And I was like, yep.
Kelli: [00:46:07] Now that’s like how animals will just find the treat that the pills wrapped in.
Matt: [00:46:17] So that brings us to the end of another fantastic because we are amazing episode of Quiche-Anon and I’m sure we’ll be talking about aliens and shadow government much, much more. We didn’t even really talk about the Reptilians other than that they exist.
Kelli: [00:46:31] So I only found out about them at the end. Oh, well, we didn’t have time.
Matt: [00:46:36] We will have another alien episode.
Matt: [00:46:38] But as always, I’m Matt and then Kelly and this is Quiche-Anon. And remember that the truth and the taco’s are out there.
Matt: [00:46:56] So welcome back to bonus content of Quiche-Anon on when we are going to do a second serial draft featuring my three kids. So the order that they’re going to go in in the draft is Henry, who is 11, Sophia who is nine, and then Joey, who is also 11. And yes, we will do a serpentine draft because there’s more than two people. So first of all, in the serial draft, Henry, what is your number one serial.
Henry: [00:47:23] Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Matt: [00:47:24] What’s good for you? What’s your number one cereal?
Sophia: [00:47:28] Captain Crunch.
Kelli: [00:47:30] Like her dad.
Matt: [00:47:31] Joey, you got to come in for your number one here, OK? Joey’s number one is Cocoa Krispies. And now, Joey, what is your number two?
Joey: [00:47:40] Rice Krispies.
Matt: [00:47:42] Sophia, what’s your number to cook up now?
Sophia: [00:47:46] Oh, Cocoa Puffs.
Kelli: [00:47:47] Oh, a third cocoa. Thank you for writing these down. Well, Charms Henry is Lucky Charms.
Matt: [00:47:54] Henry, what’s your number three draft pick?
Henry: [00:47:56] Mini wheats.
Matt: [00:47:58] Oh, frosted mini wheat. OK, Sophia, your number three is.
Sophia: [00:48:03] French toast crunch.
Matt: [00:48:07] Joey? Come on, give us your number three pick.
Joey: [00:48:10] Raisin Bran.
Matt: [00:48:11] OK, and now you’re number four.
Joey: [00:48:14] Frosted Flakes,
Kelli: [00:48:16] A classic.
Matt: [00:48:18] Sophia, your number four is.
Sophia: [00:48:21] Cocoa Krispies.
Matt: [00:48:22] We already had Cocoa Krispies.
Matt: [00:48:23] You got, know, duplicate, but there’s one that’s very similar that might occur to you.
Sophia: [00:48:28] Rice Krispies.
Matt: [00:48:29] No, Rice Krispies already happened, you know, but there’s a third chocolate cereal. It’s a little flatter, comes in a fruity flavor as well.
Sophia: [00:48:40] Fruity Pebbles,
Kelli: [00:48:42] Fruity Pebbles, and my favorite couple for.
Matt: [00:48:45] Pick Henry. And then your number five.
Matt: [00:48:47] It’s hard to think of somebody,
Henry: [00:48:49] Honey Nut Cheerios.
Matt: [00:48:51] And your fifth pick.
Henry: [00:48:54] bite sized frosted mini weeds.
Matt: [00:48:56] OK, there’s that mini wheats fight so that on a technicality. All right, Sophia, your number five cereal pick.
Sophia: [00:49:03] Corn flakes.
Kelli: [00:49:05] Oh, corn flakes.
Matt: [00:49:06] OK, Joey, wrap us up here.
Joey: [00:49:10] Trix, Trix.
Kelli: [00:49:11] Oh, good choice.
Matt: [00:49:13] A classic. Classic.
Don’t forget to listen past the end theme for some extra special bonus content!
Kelli is a fake blonde who lives in Chicago. She loves staring out her windows on summer nights watching drunk people stumble and yell. Her hobbies include 90 Day Fiancé, reading about true crime, and talking trash like it’s her job.
Matt Stratton lives in the Chicagoland area and has three awesome kids, whom he loves just a little bit more than he loves Doctor Who. He is currently on a mission to discover the best phở in the world.